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I sit here on the eve of 2018 finding myself feeling really rather lonely. It's a very unusual feeling for me as I often revel in having a few hours to myself where all the boys are sleeping and Chris is out the house. It's not very often that I find myself in this situation these days! It's also rare that there's no one to really message - its that one night you don't want to 'chat' message, knowing full well they're enjoying the last evening of 2017 with their loved ones.

I'm having one of those reflective evenings where, currently we're settling into the ideas and motions of moving house. I do feel somewhat sad that we are leaving as I have so many happy memories in this house and I'm overly fond of these bricks. It's the first house to feel like home for me. Our last we always knew would be a temporary place and we ended up staying 3 years, it was our first place and it was exciting to have somewhere for us to bring Fred home and begin our life as a family. But it wasn't a house we really loved, there was issues with it such as terrible mould in the cold months, drafty windows and a creepy stair case. Yet here we moved when I was pregnant with Noah. It was exciting as it was a fresh place, light and airy, fixtures were brand new and ready for us. We've been here 4 years now. Two of our boys have come home here.

Mum moved out of the house I lived in for my teen years - that felt like home for the longest time - leaving that house, I've found that I feel her new one is my family's home. It's not mine - I guess because I'm not living nor have lived there it doesn't feel like a part of me is within the walls so to speak. I visit and oh my, I love her interiors and the general layout. It's serious house goals! But, it's not a place called home anymore. This house has become that little haven - I guess it just feels really strange that we're not able to fit in this house anymore (if I could magic another reception room and bedroom, we'd be staying!) and so we're moving into a house that is much bigger for our extended family. It's a place that's got the room we need to grow. It has so much potential and is somewhere where we can transform into another home. I think I just feel sad that there's going to be that limbo period where there is no real 'home'  - it takes time to make that special place. This next month is going to be so busy (we've got both houses for a crossover of 3 weeks) so we've a lot of work to get done. It feels a little overwhelming especially with three little boys to entertain in amongst it. It's going to definitely be an adventure!

I'm writing lists and getting myself excited. After a month or more of uncertainty it feels a major shock that we're actually going sometime soon. There's so many cupboards to sort through and so many memories to go through, but we've got this and 2018 is going to be such a exciting year! I'm looking forward to a new project, I want to make another home that we find ourselves completely in love with and where there's room for my boys to play as they should. Because at the end of the day, I always come back to the crashing reality that everything we do is for these handsome babies of mine. They deserve the world  and I'll forever try to give them exactly that!

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