I've felt an immense amount of guilt over not blogging recently. Many reminded me that I don't have to blog, and that's right I don't have to, it's a choice and it's somewhat a hobby that I have happened to enjoy but it's not particularly important for me to do it. It won't affect my day to day routine that I have now with three young children, it actually just becomes another thing that I think about and feel guilty for not doing because preserve them special memories woman! You'll regret it if you don't..
But since the start of the new year I decided to let go of my guilt because, honestly, I can only do what I can do. Whilst I very often think about what I'd love to be writing (yup, I mentally write blog posts up), I know that organising and making sure everything goes smoothly is so much more important in the now. And with that, I let go of the thought of not doing it. I changed my Instagram bio because I felt stupid having 'blogger' there when really I haven't done it in forever. I hadn't introduced Arthur, I hadn't done the posts I wanted to do due to feeling too tired and ill towards the end of my pregnancy with him. I sit in the evenings feeding my third little month old chubba and I marvel over his adorable face and thick hair. I talk to him about everything that needs doing and watching things on TV - because I have absolutely every right and time to relax at the end of the day - well if I can grab it. I can watch Silent Witness, The Voice and tonight I've given Apple Tree Yard a go. I've been watching episodes of Coronation Street and random programmes that take my fancy.
Since doing that, I've enjoyed having that space but I haven't been able to be rid of the niggling thought about it how much I'd love to be writing. How actually in ten years time I'd much prefer the memories being written down a little more, because that many years later, what happened in a episode of The Voice won't matter to me. It'll matter to know how Freddie got 12/12 in his first spelling test and Noah counted to 11 without any help. It'll matter to remember the tiny moments of a new born Arthur and how I'm desperate to live in the moment.
There's so much I've missed out over the last few months and I know in a few years when I want to go back it'll feel a massive gap of our lives is missing. That does make me feel sad and I think that's why I was feeling so guilty about not writing, but I think it's important to know that time out to appreciate and learn what really is important, is vital. My family is forever important to me and I'm so glad that despite maybe not writing it, I have done a lot on Instagram and I have snapped away using my big camera. I've taken so many shots of little baby feet and the evolution of a cute baby face.
I once spoke about doing maybe doing snappier posts about moments rather than long posts some of the time, because sometimes that's all that is needed. It's so easy to get sucked into the other parts of blogging, but really, all I want to do is remember for the future however little or big. A place to showcase those smiles in snaps is what makes my heart happy. And I'm finding that, now I've had baby number three, all that matters to me is being in this bubble with these boys. We may have more washing, less money - okay a lot less money - but I'm truly the happiest I've ever felt. And that is worth writing and remembering about.