Something I learnt in the feeling awful stage; I just had to keep ploughing along and get through the day best I could for them and the little one in my tum. Some days I was full of energy and others, I just wanted to curl into a ball. It got so I was wondering if it was the pregnancy that had me feeling so ill or the fact I couldn't just rest as and when I 'had a turn' with the boys. This pregnancy had been so different to my previous ones which didn't help on those rough days. But, I revelled in the thoughts that feeling unwell, is actually a good sign! I suffered with severe gagging, most things made my stomach turn and it often flitted between different smells (often ran to the loo for the feeling to pass!), food aversions (mainly citrus fruits), headaches, breathlessness through the most normal of tasks (felt so embarrassing!) and fatigue. Oh and hot flushes - oh dear, these were bad!
It really wasn't any fun at all, but excitement really took over - we never expected this to happen so soon so we were chuffed and probably ran away with the fantasies. I kept having very vivid dreams of holding twins in the really early days and a few where they were at a similar age to Noah, walking and talking. It was so strange yet really exciting - my head was definitely trying to process the news and determine the sex! I had to remind myself at times to calm down as anything can happen at any time and most likely in those first few critical weeks. I feel so blessed to be able to carry another little human who will have their own little personality - blessed to be able to provide a sibling for my little brothers.
In which, Freddie didn't actually believe me when I announced the news to them. I could see his face dissecting the news, he even asked if I was sure 'you haven't just eaten a lot of food' so it became my mission to prove him the day of the scan and he laughed saying 'I don't know why you keep saying it's a baby' but the second he came out of school he asked to see the picture, at home I showed it to him and laid the scan out saying which each part of the tiny body was which. I asked if he believed me now and he nodded his little head. He took the scan and studied it quietly alone which was really sweet - I left him to it as he is a thinker and needs his space at certain times. This was big news! Over the next few weeks he took a real interest in what was happening, discussing a name (Grace for a girl and Max for a boy) and asking how the baby will be delivered into the world. I felt so proud of him in that moment as he took it all in his stride and has continued to, kissing my growing bump and saying 'I love you baby' - I'm not going to lie but I nearly cried the first time.
Noah has equally been really involved, stroking and kissing my belly from very early on - there's not been an ounce of jealousy between them, even at the gender scan they both were fascinated with what was on the screen. It feels so important to talk about this little one and to bring them to appointments, I want them to know it's their baby too. We've started buying a few bits for baby and they've both really enjoyed looking through them and saying 'aww!'. I don't know how it's possible but my love for their beautiful and accepting ways have multiplied.
I'm so grateful for the Summer Holidays as it gives us that time to really bond. I'm feeling increasingly guilty for the time I'm going to be away having baby over Christmas, so I have this mentality that I somehow need to make it up to them whilst I have the time now. But, I know that's silly and it'll be a magical time whatever - just that Mummy guilt tripping me up again!
We're now at 17 weeks, nearly 18 and I'm feeling much more like my normal self. My tummy has grown and I'm sure I'm feeling a few fluttery kicks. It really still, does feel surreal that we've got another joining our little crew around Christmas - great timing there, right?! I can't wait to meet our addition but I'm also in no hurry. I'm nearly half way already and that's a little scary! Since announcing the pregnancy, time has flown by, the first few weeks felt so slow as only a few selected people knew. I'm happy to soak up my little boys as they have seemingly shot up and developed way too quick for my liking these last couple of months, so time is very welcome to slow down again - there's going to be plenty of time as a family of 5 so spending time as a 4 just seems so precious.