Pages

I think I fell asleep

I adore the quote 'Absence makes the heart grow fonder' because it's so accurate.
I'm one of them people who will notice the absence of someone important; but I don't really realise how much until I see them again or have one of them warming conversations that simply makes my heart grin.
I then have that little period after where I start to think of all the individual things I care about. Noticing how much they actually mean to me, because you wouldn't miss them if they weren't in the smallest way very special to you.

There's usually only a handful of these people in life and they're the ones who unknowingly brings out the best of you and builds you up, yet also has the power to bring out the worst.

They're the people you'd fiercely protect against the world and would feel like the universe had collapsed if they were to permanently leave.

They're the ones you smile about to yourself when you think of a memory and the ones you can sit in comfortable silence with at the end of the day.

I had a moment yesterday where things came into focus. I looked at my 4 year old's face and felt too much love for it. I love him and I always have, but I feel I just got swamped down in everyday and become restless in my role as Mum. I got stressed and worried about the small things that I forgot the big picture, the fact that he's so beautiful.

He's started school and the mornings have been quiet. I've enjoyed the silence but I do miss my chatterbox. I'm glad the weekend was so soon because I've really enjoyed having his company and my heart swelled up more than usual. It's surprising what a few hours of calm can bring you.

We laughed about silly things and talked about all things school. He's loving it. It's a strange thing as a parent, you know you love them, you'd so anything for them.. but there's times when you can feel that little bit more love for them and it surprises you immensely.
I really enjoyed watching the smile spread across his face and hearing him giggle over the smallest of things as we went food shopping. I couldn't help but laugh along and stroke his dear cheek.

I'm guilty of not realising how lucky I am at times, but then it hits me, usually late at night unexpectantly by a sleepy Freddie. He'll lift his head and blow a kiss, smile or say 'I love you Mum Mum' and it'll just whack me in the face how adorable he really is.
I love tucking him in and soaking in that half asleep small body that I created, watching him drifting off peacefully and I suddenly had a thought 'I think I fell asleep these last two weeks'. I got consumed by my worries and stupid daily stresses that I missed the vital part of him, he's cheeky, but he's darn happy. He's also mine.

I'll try not to fall asleep again and miss anymore moments of you. I can't promise it, but I know I will try to continue to be the best that I can be. Because my love for you, consumes me.

No comments:

Post a Comment