It made me think of what it would be like not to have kids anymore, to be able to do that daily and as much as it was nice, it all felt a little empty. I could hear the little noises like the immersion bubbling away on the landing or the sound of something being dropped on the floor in the next house (we live in fairly new builds so don't be alarmed that I suddenly have super-hearing for a deaf person).
But my little lads had been very sweet and giggly that morning - typical the one day they're not going to be with me, but drove me insane the couple of days prior *ahem* they were fun and happy to get on with the day. Babbling on between them and being snuggly. However, I tried not to let myself start to miss them because I knew I'd see them in a couple of days and I really bloomin' needed that time. Time to relax in the evenings and have that 'wow-I-can-wake-up-shower-and-get-myself-ready-completely-alone-and-be-ready-in-no-time' feeling, to be able to pick up your bag and walk through the door without attachments, oh and to eat without constantly having to mop the space up!
What is with the whole I TOTALLY LOVE THIS LIFE and the 'I wonder what they're doing? I hope they're okay, behaving and not looking neglected!'!?
It was so good to have time to stop and breathe. To recuperate and just forget my daily stresses, to eat lots of naughty foods and drink our favourite cocktail. For a while there you feel you could do it forever, adopt the kids out and live the life you could only dream of in the peak of your stressful moments - that beach, that far hideaway - but it always comes back to them, no matter how long you go or feel like you've checked out for, you still get the wanting to phone up and check they're alive and well, once you've done that you actually really miss them. Hearing the chuckling down the phone or screechy voice telling you they're off to the park in a little while, "but I want to go to the park and take pictures of you and push you on the swings.."
I had a fabulous time and I love that I get to spend some proper girly time with my favourite, I love that we can sing along to the radio and chat until our hearts content. We're easy to please and we love what we love, it just goes so damn quick and we always wonder what we've done with our time.
Its lovely to get away (it's like my alter ego), but I always come home and feel like I've been gone a lifetime, Noah was making more noises that sounds like words, erm.. and the house felt weird. A part of me was sad the whole thing ended because reality hits you hard once you get back, but I also damn well missed my husband - the casual, general chatter of ordinary things. He works a lot, too much some weeks, but I do love it when he's around even for the comfortable silence.
I spoke to them all for 18 minutes on the phone that morning and there were moments of quiet, through passing of the phone or just that second between thinking of what's to be said. Everything was normal. I knew they were themselves and getting on with everyday but it felt distant, because I wasn't apart of it.
This is my real life. This is my family and even though I was only gone 3 days I felt like I had missed out on far too much.
I get home and I took my big boy to the toilet before lights out, I scooped him up and gave him a light squeeze as he nuzzled into my neck, on our return I tucked him back in bed and kneeled on the floor giving his right plump cheek and smooch 'Goodnight, I love you my big baby' and he smiled and quietly said 'I missed you'.
And like that, the stresses of life just pauses, reminding you that the special things in life are right at home.