We have days where we simply want to shut off and hide in bed for the duration. We stew in our own thoughts and from that a bad mood arises.
Sometimes it can be of no fault of your own, whether it be hormones or other people's impact on your little bubble; either way it's pretty rubbish.
Yesterday was one of them days.
My boys seemed to have it in for each other and spent most of it arguing, crying at each other or refusing to deal with each others presence. Near enough everything that was said to one another was sneered or grunted. They snatched things from the others hands, they both argued over a toy that there was two of, but of course, both wanted to have the same one. It was quite a day for them!
For the most part I let them sort it out amongst themselves, I let them get on with it and usually it blows over or one starts crying and it gets resolved because I intervene. But yesterday seemed so different; the mood was heavy and suffocating.
I felt like something had gone wrong, that something had happened in the night and switched my cheeky loveable boys into a pair of monsters. I didn't recognise them. I know they're growing and they're constantly adjusting to each other. I know that they're both terribly stubborn and they're a lot the same, but it was so difficult to get them to be okay together.
It didn't hold well with me, I wondered if the age gap between them was too big or if these squabbles would be like it from now on. Maybe they're too much of the same that they'll get so they really don't like each other. It's very likely that the Summer holidays has pushed them together too much and they just want space! I've noticed that they are protective of one another and have moments when they sit and giggle, but recently I've seen that they appear to irritate one another and whilst I'm sure it's fairly normal for siblings to be like this, I don't like that they fight like this so young. I want them to have fun together, but I guess it's the age gap.
Freddie is independent and is more than happy to play alone, where as Noah likes to follow, watch and be involved, but his candid way sometimes upsets Freddie as he doesn't like his stuff being grabbed by a less than gentle toddler hand. I can understand that but I think they both find it hard to process each others actions. Noah doesn't actually break anything, nor intends to but Freddie is protective of his favourite things, which naturally draws Noah because he wants to know more about these fascinating objects.
They love each other. They wouldn't want to be apart from one another and secretly they both giggle and smile at one another's actions. We're still on a learning curve. I'm still waiting for them to be thick as thieves and I hope that they will be, because my childhood was made because I was close to my siblings. We played and got on very well, again we all had quite different interests and personalities; we still do. I'm just thinking it's been full on brother time over this Summer and they've not really had the chance to escape one another so the bickering begins.
It was just one of them days that was utterly exhausting, a day where the snappy parts of your personality blow up because bickering starts to get on your nerves, you find yourself telling them off a little harsher than you maybe would otherwise. You have the thought 'right, that's it, they're going to bed straight after tea!' and 'I swear I'm going to kill them if they carry on..' so at 6.10pm you've got to the point where you order everyone in your loudest voice to bed because you simply just want silence, because you're now also in a bad mood (and you're SO close to actually chopping someone's head off - not so literally).
They go to bed and are both snoring within 10 minutes. You realise it's probably because they're tired and have been cooped up in the house for more than a day, so you begin to blame yourself. Feel that inner guilt that you haven't 'entertained' them enough or that you've raised brats and everything you felt you were doing right, had actually turned them the other way.
You go to bed feeling drained and wake up to a smiling face; rolling over to two giggly boys in the bed and you realise that.. actually everyone was in a bad mood (or they've been switched back) and it'll be fine because there's a playdate to attend where you'll get a great friend to discuss the exact same feelings with "Jeez, my two have been horrendous, constant bickering, going on and on.." you smile and laugh because you suddenly don't feel like the worst parent. We all have days like this and it's all the realities of parenthood.