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Where I'm at


This is me. I'm usually found in my kitchen with no make up on, slightly misplaced hair and with a tea towel on my shoulder. And yes, I'm often looking for a tea towel..

I'm fairly happy with this. I don't think it's a bad description at all. It is who I am, I'm a mum and I often just find myself pottering around doing 'things'. Mostly chores, but sometimes wandering for the hell of it. I have post-baby brain and I find myself wondering what I am doing at times.

I've got a list as long as my arm of jobs to do. Even blog posts to write. I've always got something to do, but I'm usually swung depending on my mood.

But, everything seems to be happening right NOW.

Noah's starting to walk and climb everywhere.
Chris is working all hours it feels as they're short staffed.
Fathers Day has just gone by and soon there's to be Sports Day and a Teddy Bears Picnic.

My organiser can come out of hiding from tomorrow as it finally starts! I'm so excited to begin filling it up with dates.

Such dates as Noah's Immunisations, Chris's week off, the village fete and our holiday in August.
This is kind of how I like life, simple but busy. I like being busy with the odd quiet day in between, a simple day to recuperate and enjoy what I have around me, and this week I've found myself doing that.
One big date is going to be Freddie beginning school on 3rd September.

I've been feeling glum about him starting and thinking about how much I will miss my buddy, but I'm missing out on my potential opportunities. I'm going to be able to spend more 1 on 1 time with Noah and it doesn't really change anything - only Chris's days off where we'd do family things, but we'll have to find a way of shifting that into the evening or just saving everything up until the half terms. It'll make me want to live for the time he's off and I know I'll appreciate that time even more than I do now. But I will miss him. I'll miss that little face glaring up at me. I'll miss that constant enthusiasm in the afternoons and I'll miss having lunch as a threesome.

But, It'll also mean that I won't have to rush around the second I get back as it's 2 hours 45 minutes and counting until we have to leave again to pick him up. It'll be 6 hours 15 minutes. I know that'll make a difference. It also means that I can probably find a little while to even relax, to blog and play with Noah.

I'm now finding myself in a fun place.
A place where I may actually have time to DO something other than being Mum for a while. A time to broaden my horizons and see where else I can take us.

I've felt myself get excited for this new change and it's very surprising.
I met Chris on a off chance, I didn't expect to meet anyone at that time in my life, I had friends and I was more than happy with that. But we met and my ideals for life somewhat shifted slightly. I began thinking of a family and a life with him in it. I began thinking of houses and romantic scenes (Okay, that bit never changed!) and we did it, twice over in fact. Two babies. Two houses.
And it's had so many highs and lows, but I'm feeling really secure in life. I feel settled.

I unexpectantly spoke to some Uni friends last night, I was only there a short time but I got on well with my housemates and they were really a great bunch, despite many of us being fairly different. And I honestly missed them when I left. But we started a group conversation and we chatted for a while and spoke of meeting up and it felt strange.
A good strange. It was like we never really parted. Even though a couple of us have kids now and life has changed for all of us, somewhat dramatically - it was refreshing.

But I couldn't help but notice the timing.

I've recently been thinking about life goals and things I want to do with my life. I've noticed that I've not even begun to feel broody - at all, since Noah turned 1, yet with Freddie; I couldn't wait to have another. I was surprised with myself because I expected to feel the same once Noah began walking and spitting a few words out. I thought I'd crave another baby. But I haven't.

I've been craving a better life for us all.
A life where we can get our "forever" home, where we can still enjoy each others company and grow up. A life with a car in it and holidays.

I guess I'm just thinking of what I can do to really push them ideals. I've been thinking about doing something spontaneous. I've been thinking on it for a while, yet I've had no thoughts to persue that thought and I don't know why. I think it's because it makes me nervous. It makes me feel a little unsettled due to money and time. It makes me wonder if I could fit it in with everything else in my life - the boys, blogging, housework - if I could really make it worth something.
But I don't know what I'd do with it, but I like the idea.

Maybe it'd be worth it for just that? The leap of faith into the unknown.

I'm considering possibly, doing an Open University course. I've been looking, thinking and even got to the stage of signing up at one point - but the time factor always pulled me back, and the worry I wouldn't like it or be good enough to do it well. (I've found an Access Module I can take before signing up, to be really sure - at least that settles that thought.)

But, now with Freddie going to school and Noah growing, it seems it may be the right time to start thinking forward. Time would be more readily available and Chris was really enthusiastic for me in saying he'd take the boys for one of his days off so I could get on - he said I'd probably be really good and do well. It was really lovely to know I had his support in this.

Maybe it's just time to try something that is a little bit different? So, yeah that's where I'm at. Over here wondering about the future in the comfort of my lounge where everything seems very cosy.


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