You're No Longer My Tincy-Wincy Baby.

I uploaded these pictures and I was planning on going to bed as soon as they were up (ahh just do it in the morning!). But, I just had to click preview didn't I? I had to take a look of all these simply perfect photo's of you and stop.
My heart fluttered a little.
You're 1 tomorrow and.. just how?

This time last year, I was on a ward alone. There was a lady in the bay next door but she rushed off at some point when I was asleep.
I was feeling truly fed up. I cried most of the night because I had been there all week. I was frustrated that you had been breech and the whole thing was taking far too long. My contractions were almost gone.
That woman had gone and had her baby and here I was waiting, alone.
I wanted you here already so that I could meet you. Meet you and take you home. Take you to the place where you belong. I wanted so badly to wrap you up in the patternology blanket I so adored. To count those little fingers and toes. To soak up that newborn smell in.
Labour sucked. It was horrible and a year later I still feel a little 'cringe' about it all. I've honestly thought 'I couldn't have another baby after THAT.' But we'll see..

You finally arrived and you were perfect. You were worth every minute.
Of course all Mums feel that way about their little one, but you were so damn wanted that you were everything in that moment, and every moment since. I held you like I'd lose you if I loosened my grip and kissed you like I'd never touch your cheek and lips again. You were tiny and my world had frozen inside this beautifully crafted bubble.
You were magical and you touched my heart in a thousand ways in that very second.

Fast forwarding a year and everything I felt then has multiplied. I love you so damn much. I just love hearing you say 'Mum' and touching my face, or even when I starting singing that cheeky little 'what you like Mummy!' grin you do. I love that you're so squishy. I love that you spread your legs wide and then fall onto your bum. I love that I've seen you grow into the most gorgeous little lad. I've watched your personality grow tenfold. I've watched you balance up your chances. I've watched you copy everything your big brother does and I've watched on as you've lightened up everyone's world.

Until writing this post I didn't feel hugely emotional about tomorrow. I didn't feel like an era had ended, but has just begun. I felt so much excitement; as I know how badly you want the next step in life. You're so open to the world around you and I can only hope it embraces you in the way that you deserve.
But now, I've realised that as much as I feel this year has gone too quick - it's because we've enjoyed every moment of your being. Time flies when you're having fun and all that jazz.
We're having fun with you.
You're having fun. My cheeky little monkey!
It's all we truly want; you to be indescribably happy in life.

I have so many hopes for you. Oh my heart is full of them. I hope my dear sweet boy, that you have a happy year as a 1 year old as you have a baby.
It's okay that you're not tincy-wincy any more. Because I love you just the way you are.

Happy Birthday my lovely Noey,
Many snuggles,

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