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Them days when you feel you get it just right


Today has been, so ordinary, yet extraordinary. 

Today was definitely one of them days where nothing special really happens, but you hold it in high regard. It was a day of pure contentment. For me, today, I felt so calm and well, content with everything; my SAD has completely cleared up in the last couple of days and I've been feeling much brighter - maybe that's why?


Today I went to the Hospital to see my Nurse about my HS and I've been given another month's worth of Isotretinoin. Next month she has booked me in to see the Consultant to see about the next step to my treatment as the medication has worked well on my face and back, but not so much in the other areas - curious to see where we're going with that!
After that I came home and spent time with my little Noah as he's teething and feeling so poorly at the moment. He's been clinging onto me at every second he can grasp - he's such a Mummy's boy it's unreal (I kinda love it though so shh ;)). Yesterday he was feeling awful; I couldn't get on with anything as he just wanted to snooze on me all day; he was also up many times in the night but only settled when placed beside me with my arm wrapped around him. So he actually did end up sleeping in our bed most of the night, mainly so that we could actually get some sleep! I never let them sleep in the bed with us because I always worry about the risks and it showed as I couldn't sleep very well as I kept waking constantly. However, he has been a little better today, just clingy, dribbly and a little miserable at times (mostly when you pop out of the room to get something - he screams blue murder until you pick him up - I think we have a case of separation anxiety starting there.. (that'll be something new to experience as we never had it with Freddie)).

Monday when I went to collect Freddie from Nursery, his classmate William (his mum) invited us round to play Thursday, today. But as Nursery was cancelled this morning, I was a little 'are we, aren't we' regarding the play date as it was supposed to be after their session. I decided to go and see around the time of when Nursery session would've finished - but they weren't in.
Freddie was absolutely gutted as all morning he kept jumping around saying about going to Williams'. The walk home was so sad as he just held his head down most of the way. I stopped and asked him what was wrong and if he was feeling sad; he said that he did, with a sniffle. My heart broke for him 'cos I know how it feels to be excited about something and then being let down, to have it disappear in a instance and that's at 23 - I can only imagine how it feels for a 3 year old. 

On the walk back I suggested baking some Peppa Pig cakes to cheer him up, after lunch and he suddenly nodded and jumped up and down - It was so adorable. As we proceeded home he looked up and went "I'm really happy now that we're going to make some Peppa Pig cakes!"
I love how Mummy can make things better. It was one of them moments where I felt I got something so right in this little boys' life - and some days that feels so rare. My eyes panged and I couldn't help but have a little smile about it. My little boy acts like the big boy literally 99% of the time, but every now and then that 1% comes and smacks me in the face. 
I call him my big baby, and really, it's not until one of them moments happen that I truly remember it again. He's 4 next month and off to school in September, but underneath the "threenager" and the school uniform, he's pretty much identical to Noah, in terms of his needs.
He wants to sit on my knee and snuggle; albeit secretly (but not so secretly to an adult), he wants to stand as close as possible to you when there's a stranger trying to say hello and actually all he wants is constant affection. He wants to follow me around and tell me his terrible jokes and have a funny face game (it's honestly my favorite game with him at the moment! My pig snout, sticky out tongue face gets him every time!). I sometimes think I forget how much I love my little dude, forget how much fun he brings in a little conversation and how, actually, most of the time he makes my day! I sometimes forget how important it is to have 1:1 time with him and today it was pretty much just me and him. It made me feel guilty that we don't have enough special moments alone - I'm definitely going to plan it so we have a Mummy and Freddie day every so often!

We popped into a Charity shop on the way home and had a little look around and headed home to bake some cakes.

Obviously we couldn't bake them quick enough. Before we've even spooned the mixture into the cases, Freddie was already on wanting to stir the icing. He has little spoon and I have big spoon and together we spoon the mixture into the cases. It's incredibly messy and most of the mixture goes onto the tray or the edges of the paper cases, but he doesn't care. He just loves that he's made them.
I love baking with Freddie because he's so enthusiastic about the ingredients and the process. He can't wait to get the buns out of the oven and constantly asks "are they done now?" "has it been 15 minutes yet?"
But seriously what is a cupcake without a Peppa Pig sugary treat on top of some chocolate icing?! And, well, what hasn't cake fixed? Especially when it's eaten instantly?
He ate two little cakes and it was like the whole upset from an hour ago had disappeared.



The rest of the day we all did some chores, my favourite being changing the bed sheets. I love that job because, I love the anticipation of getting into bed that night in clean sheets.
After changing them we laid on top of the bed, all 4 of us, just cuddling and talking. We so happened to get talking about Birthdays as Freddie's going to be 4 soon and he wants a Dinosaur party. He described everything he wanted. I mentioned about wanting a peanut butter cup or cream egg birthday cake, just because it'd be amazing. Freddie and Chris agreed as we progressed onto how close mine and Noah's birthdays are together, and how Daddy's is near Christmas, which is also not far away from Freddie's (yep, these are the normal types of conversations we have).
I also didn't laugh at Freddie's joke (I didn't realise it was a joke..) so he said I wasn't going to have a birthday anymore to which I faked a really loud cry (obviously ending in giggles all round). Freddie then changed his mind and said he will get me a big parcel with a big bow so that I can undo the paper, and he's getting me a Dinosaur necklace to go with a Dinosaur dress - but I won't be able to wear my Dinosaur outfit to his party 'cos my Birthday is after his! Dilemma!
We ended the day with a Roast Chicken and bathtime. Oh and I had to sing nursery rhymes before bedtime - it was such a hoot in our house tonight ;)
And as I type this, I feel a little emotional, because I loved today. I loved that even though not everything went to plan, we all had a good day. It was a day where it was completely relaxed and full of them little family moments. If any day was going to be a perfect day, I'd say today wouldn't be all that bad.

There's been many times this last month where I've felt like I've wanted to escape. Where I felt like I've been a terrible mum and I can't provide them with what they really need, therefore my littles would be better far away where they could get what they deserve. 
I think mostly the SAD brought out that part in me, and well, we all have moments like that, but somehow today.. I feel like I've come back home again.

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