My Decision to join Slimming World

I've been trying to write my update regarding my weight loss for about 3 weeks. I had finally reached my first goal of getting down to 14st by Christmas, I had actually got there! I was so chuffed and excited I immediately started thinking about how I was going to write the post.. that post sat in my drafts, it still is.
The thing is, I gained weight over Christmas - I know, I know, we all probably gained but something about coming back to that post and the thought of even trying to click publish; made me feel like a fraud.

So after Christmas, last Monday just gone I was 14st 3lbs. I do get that that isn't a massive gain when you've come all this way and it has been Christmas after all! I understand that I will probably lose all that fairly quickly - but something made me feel defeated in that time. I felt that gain somehow.
Christmas in general is so hard to be around food-wise. That period between mid-December up to New Year makes it tough to keep track of them sneaky calories you're consuming!

So what, it's only a week!!

It felt like I was going back to the old me who simply just didn't care about how she looked. The one that would sit in the bedroom feeling sorry for herself whilst displaying laughs and confidence everywhere else. I didn't want that, and I still don't. I'm putting it behind me and trying to get rid of this next 2 stone that.. I feel could be fairly achievable in the near future.

I've seen them horrible pictures of myself, the ones where I look enormous and I know for certain I don't want to be a 20/22 EVER AGAIN. I looked gross. I definitely won't be returning to that place. That wasn't a healthy version of myself, I know that for certain.
Most of it is wanting to be healthy.
I want to be able to wake up and FEEL GOOD.
Feel like I'm doing the best for me and my family. I want the best of life.

One of the things I wanted out of 2015 was to carry on with my weight loss journey, none of that "New Year, New Me" business; just to carry on. Some days I felt like I was doing well and others not so good.. The journey itself is based entirely on your own mindset. If you have the determination and the stubborn streak, you can simply overcome anything.
I've had that determination, but since that gain its wavered. I don't even really know why, I think it's a self punishing issue that I had, because I couldn't actually blame that gain on anything or anyone else but myself.

The last few months I have been thinking about potentially joining up to Slimming World. I've seen so many amazing results with joining up. Since I set up my weight loss/food diary account on Instagram, I've come to realise so much. There's so many other people on this journey and there's many accounts that I follow who are with them and doing so well.
I've been a little naughty and tried stealing some of their ways but I think there's more underlying things to know that help with that balance of eating well.

I considered doing it online but everyone seems to only recommend sessions.. A, I'd be terrified to actually go! and B, It'd be difficult to get to sessions, C, It's quite a lot of money
I spoke to Chris about it and he said it was completely up to me.. but he wasn't going to lie, it's not cheap! I felt guilty. I've also got the issue where every penny I have spare, I want to give to the boys; for things they need. I decided (with the help of my friend Gemma) to buy the books and see what I can learn from them, then make the bigger decision after.
I'm still continuing with this journey, I'm just adding some added help. I'll get there eventually.. that goal line is still waiting!

I'll update you with how I go..
(If you'd like a sneak preview - feel free to follow me on my losing weight Instagram - @_missionlosingweight :))