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Dear Diary, Post 8: SAD

Since my teens I have suffered from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).
I get emotional, a lot during this time.
I get teary over the slightest thing.
Or I get annoyed about, really nothing at all.
Sometimes I take something simple the wrong way or I feel hurt over something I wouldn't usually bother about.

But recently I've been feeling stressed. 
Stress that usually comes on and off all year around.
Naturally as a SAHM.
It's nearly always from over thinking.
The thoughts get to me and sometimes just feel like I want to disappear.
I get fed up and really, quite miserable on them days/weeks.
And, then it makes me feel fed up with the fact that I'm fed up.
I get so I'm snappy.
Which I hate.
I hate feeling like I'm a horrible person.
I get so I want to eat everything bad.
And not even feel guilty about it.
I constantly just want to sleep.
I want to sit on the sofa watching episode after episode of Lie to Me.
And it's all down to the fact that it's cold and wet outside.
I like the colder weather because it's cooler, but it makes me ridiculously emotional.


It's annoying because January is one of my favourite months because of the amount of time Chris is at home, but I get so I feel like I'm depressed on some of the days.
But because he's amazing, he rescues me on them days and does the things I, stupidly sit and cry about doing.
Why do I cry?
I've no idea. 
I'm not sad.
Or unhappy with my life in any which way.
It's just like my body decides to drain itself of any parts of normal me.
Which is incredibly frustrating.

But you know what. Today my parents collected Freddie from Nursery (because I got all emotional over the fact that Noah had been sick and just fell asleep. I didn't want to disturb him to go collect Freddie in 15 minutes - Yep, really. You would've honestly thought someone had just told me a family member had died!)  and took him to my grandparents as they had to help them out. It honestly felt like a weight off my shoulders - it's so laughable really.
Chris laughs at me and I laugh about it with him.
And honestly, I cry about the fact that he's laughing at me, with me.
I'm a mess, but a hilarious mess. I can't wait till it all gets a little warmer!
Then this horribly annoying thing can go away for another year.

Anyway, Freddie came home earlier and he was telling me all about his lunch at Nanny's (he's suddenly eating loads!) and we snuggled up close as Noah was bashing around some toys on the floor and he said a word wrong in regards to the Gup-S in Octonauts (we were reading one of his Christmas Mags) and it made me laugh so much. We were both belly chuckling so hard, we had tears streaming. 
It felt so good because it was such a bonding moment.
It felt like it had been forever since we laughed that much together or I, with anyone. 
His cheeky giggle made it worse, because it's so infectious.
It made me feel so much happier in myself (Jeez, I'm even crying writing this!) and made me realise that laughter is the best medicine. That you don't need to take any tablets or remedies, but quite simply your little ones do such the perfect job. Because at the end of the day, we live and breathe them. 

Oh, I'll never forget that "The Gup-Phone", yeah.. you had to be there!