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Dear Diary, Post 5.

Hi Everyone.
A bit of a random decision to write this post tonight, but it fits in perfectly with my mood and what I'm currently able to do.
Chris has gone back to work, Noah is fast asleep in his pram and Freddie, not 30 minutes ago begged me to take him to bed. "Mummy, Mumma, I'm really, really, really, really tired and I really want to go to bed, will you take me?"  I could've honestly melted in that moment.
I find there are so many emotions throughout the day from everyone. I alone have gone through feeling exhausted, excited about the future, feeling pressured to get everything ready in time, annoyed about the couple of toilet training accidents and completely blissed out about how lovely my little family is. This isn't even mentioning the boys!

I know I'm so guilty of this, but somedays, I just can't wait for the day to be over, for the boys to go to bed so that I can have 10 minutes to rest, for there to be a few seconds of silence so that I'm able to gather my thoughts.. It's so rare as a Mum of two, to be able to have either of them. But, I hate that feeling when it's 10am in the morning and it feels like everything is going wrong and you're willing the day away before it's barely begun. I'm wishing them hours with my perfect young boys, away..
Although I'm not wishing them away, just the bad moments where I feel like "ARGH". I know that many parents feel this way and I know we all feel guilty for this. I know that in a few years I'm going to miss these moments so much, the times where Freddie still needs help putting his shoes on or where Noah wants to be clingy! Because I know in my head that these moments, that however annoying they feel at the time, are the moments I'm going to reflect on far in the future. I know that I'll be blogging posts about "where have my babies gone!?", so I always try and appreciate all  aspects of being "Mummy" and whilst it's hectic and I get not a second without something that needs doing, I will miss these times. I guess I wish they were just a little easier in the now!
But saying that, that's what makes my family, mine. All these crazy moments of telling Freddie not to throw stones in the garden, or to get his feet off the wall, to be careful regarding Noah, or telling him he needs to tell me he needs a wee instead of just doing it in his pants, or telling Noah that his bottle will soon be ready and to calm down (yes, I don't know why I have to say this to an 11 week old baby as we all know he's not going to listen!). It's all up in the air most of the time and I forget to do things here and there, but we've made it this far..

I always look at Freddie and just think "how has he been here 3+ years?.. How is it he's going to be 4 in March!?". It honestly shows, and I know I'm forever saying this but it shows how fast it's all going!
But I do love them all so much. I don't where I would be without any of them. So I know I should never wish even the bad days away.. Because they're my babies and I've got to enjoy the now as well as what the future brings.

Looking at Chris still brings all the happiness from when we first got together. As time has gone by we've only got closer and closer. I'm grateful for all that he does for us. I'm glad he's the father of my Children as they completely adore him, as well as I. Obviously, there are days when he drives me mad or we bicker, but the spark is still there and we have such a perfect little family, that, yes, is completely knackering.. but there's plenty of time to sleep when we're gone! ;)

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