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Diary Post - Day 9 & 8


Hi there :D

Apologies for not being more prompt with these posts, but I've not had the time or facilities to be able to post them. My phone has proven not to be the best at publishing these posts either *sigh* :( 
I have to admit that I actually forgot to write Day 9's post (yesterday's) and ended up remembering that I hadn't in the middle of the night last night! *eek*
I've put both of these posts together as the two days have blurred into one as we've been at home and emotions have been running the same for the last couple of days.

Day 9

Today has been a day of highly run emotions on my behalf. I've been feeling very stressed and emotionally drawn out today, and to be honest it's made me feel completely knackered. I hate feeling this way and it makes me feel bad, especially on bumps behalf. 
It makes me wonder if it's hormones or if i'm completely overreacting - is there a difference during pregnancy? *:/*

Chris told me a few days ago that he's off today and tomorrow, but he came home late, night before last and said that he wasn't off, it had been changed to Wednesday and Thursday. This really annoyed me as I had already kinda planned what we were all going to do. As we haven't been at home much recently with all the outings, it seemed like the perfect time to enjoy some time at home.
It wasn't just the fact that he wasn't off it was that he never comes home if he's on a split shift on Sunday, so it meant me being here alone trying to tidy a house by myself, and as I struggle to do various things now such as taking the washing basket upstairs, carrying the hoover upstairs, picking things off the floor etc. I also knew he'd be going to his friends house during the hours he has off and that annoyed me also. The whole thing just annoyed me, which makes me feel a little bit stupid.. but then I think back to when I went to the hospital, he went to his friends between that shift also and it just felt like I was kinda pushed aside to see his friend. Part of me thinks it's because I am frustrated I didn't manage to actually go and see Cats on Saturday because of needing to head to the hospital, but then, it's like I prioritized my baby over going out for the day - which is what you do as a parent, nothing else was more important! I felt I needed to know and check that everything with #2 was okay and safe but it didn't feel like he did. He rang to say he was going to his friends between shifts and his friends number is such a such, ring me if there's an issue.
 It just really upset me to think that he found that he could go to his friends without checking and assuming someone would contact him - felt like a massive kick in the head to be honest, like we were put low down on his list. Luckily it wasn't anything serious, but it could've been. I guess I just feel upset about everything. Just felt like the support had been pulled away and like it was my issue to sort and check it out, regardless of it being OUR baby.
Sorry, I hate to sound like I'm whinging and moaning about nothing, but I don't feel like it's nothing. It's just hurt me, especially when he never asked if we were ok when he saw me later that night. I know I'm going to have to talk to him about it, and I hope he understands how hurt I feel over what's happened.

Day 8

I keep getting confused as to where day 8 is, in terms of blogging but it's actually today's post! *haha*
I'm feeling a bit better than I was yesterday, still feeling upset about what's happened. I just hope it gets sorted out when he comes home this afternoon for a while, because I don't want to continue feeling miserable (mostly for bumps sake) as I know he feels what I feel and that's horrible to know that he does! I keep talking and trying to reassure him but whilst I'm feeling like this, I doubt it's working very well, so it has to get sorted.
I hate talking about how I feel and I know I'm going to have to do that.. but I mainly hate it because I know i'll end up getting upset and annoyed about it all again, when I've been slowly getting over it.

My house currently feels like a car boot sale. It feels so messy and dis-organised, but it's not. I guess we're getting a little squashed what with #2's things hanging around. I'm guessing and hoping this feeling will go once he's here and using all of it :) I'm thinking of moving my tumble dryer out into the garage as we don't really use it very often and as the summer months are soon approaching, we will put the washing out on the line. At least then we can make room for the pram to kinda have a place to live! *haha*
In a coming up post I shall be posting the pics of little man's things :) I can't believe tomorrow is a week before being induced! - is it me or has this week gone ridiculously quick? Maybe it's because I've been so busy that it's just flown past. Saying that though, this week is a little busy as I have to go to DAU Tuesday, Friday and I've got the midwife on Thursday! Not mentioning anything that may pop up in between!

Ix


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