Dear Diary..

Hi, Readers!
I've come to realise that my blog is essentially turning into my online diary. I guess really that is what they consider a blog.. a up-to-date thoughts and opinion station!

Today I have hit a wall. A wall that nearly every woman I should imagine has hit when coming up to the final weeks of pregnancy (or if not, can imagine feeling) - I'm fed up of being pregnant now. I agree it's a very bold statement, but I'm increasingly getting to the stage where I feel tired ALL the time. I mean right now, if you can picture it, I'm in bed propped up on 3 pillows (I have to have 3 now as it decreases the chances of getting backache in the morning) I have a big glass of water on my bedside and 'The Happiness Project' book is balancing on my knee's. Little guy is currently bouncing around like there's no tomorrow, which is normal if I happen to lay down at all. And I'm wrapped up in my duvet struggling to keep awake to write this post on my phone..
A total of 3 times I have fallen asleep today, that doesn't include on my bed.. I can't physically stop yawning and I feel like the laziest bum going around! Something a friend of mine said once I tweeted about my 'laziness' is that I'm 'heavily pregnant and it's expected, it's not laziness' but it feels like I am.. this whole picture isn't me. It hasn't been me up till this point. I mean, I'm a SAHM and I know most people think that is a cop out for getting a job, but they don't realise how much is involved in a SAHM's daily life. Of course I'm not going to say I never have lazy days or days where I just can't be bothered to even move let alone tidy the place up but it's literally once in a blue moon. Literally. It's so hard to just chill for me, whilst my body is probably loving it, my subconscious isn't.. I have a permanent list of things that I want to be getting on with, but today all of that went out of the window and I just laid on the sofa, falling asleep.
I stayed at mums last night, that probably didn't help as I didn't get the best nights sleep, but as Chris wasn't going to be coming home, I just didn't want to be alone so I stayed at hers. Freddie also woke up at 6.20am - way too early! I didn't want to get up, I wanted to hibernate, but of course as a Mum that's not possible when you've got a demanding nearly 3yr old.
My feet have also been pumping themselves up into the size of balloons! (Water Retention) They feel incredibly tight and sore and it's happening much earlier in the day, like 3pm - another reason why I have needed to put my feet up. I've also realised that I can't walk far anymore without feeling so out of breath and having a sore back - That has to be the most depressing part of these final weeks! (I do remember the backache with Freddie, not so much everything else, although I had much more time to myself to relax!)

I stole this from Facebook.
Thought it fitted this post perfectly as I'm definitely feeling like 'Achy' Dwarf!

Today has also been the first time I've seen and spoken to Chris since Friday Morning! When he got home I was so exhausted to barely speak to him which really upset me. It really gets to me when I don't get to see him much, I hate it when he works so much and I hate it when he has too much time off (it's purely for financial reasons!) but I think that's just my mind overreacting to my emotions at the moment. I miss him too much, I'm really glad he's off most of tomorrow - can hopefully have a day of catching up :)

Freddie went to Nursery this morning, thankfully my Dad took him after I got him ready so that I could stay and have some breakfast and shower - was bliss! I do love my Freddie, but he can be such a busy bee that it can drain any time for yourself (Yup, I'm aware It'll 'only get worse' but at least then I shall be the best version of me!). Probably doesn't help when Chris is away working so I have it full-on all the time. Bless him, he really does his best he always comes home and will pretty much do anything I ask of him. Tonight he bathed Freddie before going back to work which was a massive help on my behalf (my back no longer likes to deal with leaning over the bath! Or bending over of any kind for that matter..(toys you're staying there until Daddy can pick you up!)). 
One thing that slightly ticks me off is where you read about including your partner into the pregnancy. There is a section where it says about being appreciative of your partner helping out with chores and to say thank you for their help.. It's meant to reassure them that you recognise their help and that you're grateful for everything they're helping you with in these difficult months. I think, "well fair enough.." But really, why? I mean as a SAHM/Mum I think the things you do get so overlooked that you wonder why should a partner get a thank you for simply bathing your child? I mean I say it simply as it was something I don't have to do, so it ticks a chore off, and I appreciate that someone has done that job I have asked. But as a Mum it seems a little patronising as we do these things all the time and where do the thanks for us come? Ok, I'm not saying that I want a thank-you for every chore I do but, why them more than us? Because we do it everyday it isn't as significant? Where's our "Thank you for ironing all my clothes and putting them away for us" "Thank you for washing up our dishes twice a day" "Thank you for scrubbing the bath and sink for us" etc etc. I know it sounds like I'm bitter, but I'm not, honestly. I also know that "We signed up for that life" and I love this life I have, I genuinely do.. but It's just I think SAHM's get taken massively for granted. (This also applies to SAHD's too!)
I suppose what actually is the issue is the fact that I'm frustrated that I can't do what I usually do. I can't be the mum I usually am. It's like in my head I know I'm a really good mum, but whilst I feel so 'Blergh' it doesn't feel like I'm living up to that. So yeah, I'm hoping these last few weeks go quick so I can return to being "Mummy Immy" :)

Apologies for the whingey post. Like I said to a friend the other day - There are two types of "moaning"

  1. Need to get something off your chest - The type of moaning of when you've had a hard day/time that you just need to talk to someone about it and moan/bitch about it then you're able to move on!
  2. The 'My life is always and constantly so crap' moaning - We all have experienced where there's someone who constantly moan about everything in their life and they take everything they have for granted - they even moan when there's nothing to actually to moan about!
I like to think this post is #1. Anyhow, I'm off to bed.. Everything feels and looks better after a good nights sleep! Ix

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